You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
