roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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