I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
false alarm, still single
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
