nutella sex= disaster
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
