His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you never un-have a 4some
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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