I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
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This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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