Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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