just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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