i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I AM VODKA MAN
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
