I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
