I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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