Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.

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  (402): Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later. http://tfl.nu/06o9
  Replies (42) Good night (5809) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.

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  (303): Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina. http://tfl.nu/raau
  Replies (31) Good night (3751) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?

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  (270): Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house? http://tfl.nu/tnd3
  Replies (30) Good night (9086) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.

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  (508): I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up. http://tfl.nu/8n4w
  Replies (7) Good night (767) Bad night (4669) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.

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  (210): I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low. http://tfl.nu/u768
  Replies (20) Good night (911) Bad night (5730) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  the part where you beat me to him

  (410): View more from Maryland

  fair enough.

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  (410): what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?! (1-410): the part where you beat me to him (410): fair enough. http://tfl.nu/4y3l
  Replies (18) Good night (7520) Bad night (994)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve

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  (386): I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve http://tfl.nu/p2o3
  Replies (9) Good night (2636) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs

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  (414): Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs http://tfl.nu/zuhx
  Replies (6) Good night (2442) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.

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  (708): Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college. http://tfl.nu/9ysd
  Replies (14) Good night (2967) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light

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  (203): Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light http://tfl.nu/z2qb
  Replies (5) Good night (1913) Bad night (1021)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?

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  (903): We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer? http://tfl.nu/09oa
  Replies (2) Good night (1293) Bad night (558)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.

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  (717): i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me. http://tfl.nu/i878
  Replies (7) Good night (1170) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.

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  (509): As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer. http://tfl.nu/wazh
  Replies (5) Good night (1131) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors

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  (269): You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors http://tfl.nu/85u5
  Replies (3) Good night (381) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.

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  (832): Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober. http://tfl.nu/wntc
  Replies (7) Good night (882) Bad night (161) Order T-Shirt

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