My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF