Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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