Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
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Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
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We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.