Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
