she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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