Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
