they need to just BURY HIM!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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