The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
