we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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