Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You need Xanax blowdarts
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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