3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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