Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
