I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
