dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
