Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
