I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
