remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
