i would punch a child for taco bell
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize