Where did you get a picture of my penis
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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