Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
