I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
did i just pee glitter
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
