Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
