Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
