Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
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She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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