it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
