I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
