why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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