do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
