You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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