if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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