I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
