can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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