i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
