I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
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i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
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I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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