Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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