That's when you crack a 10am beer
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
