I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Couch. On fire.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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