i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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