Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(801): View more from Utah

just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.

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(801): just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye. http://tfl.nu/qhpq

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(913): View more from Kansas

Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!

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(913): Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life! http://tfl.nu/nhg0

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"

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(401): I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes" http://tfl.nu/jvdp

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.

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(717): Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk. http://tfl.nu/z5dl

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(619): View more from California

There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.

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(619): There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie. http://tfl.nu/om3k

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(409): View more from Texas

Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.

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(409): Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing. http://tfl.nu/yp46

Replies (22) Good night (1648) Bad night (5002)
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(773): View more from Illinois

apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.

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(773): apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened. http://tfl.nu/hpbr

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(765): View more from Indiana

She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed

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(765): She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed http://tfl.nu/bbsg

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.

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(860): Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip. http://tfl.nu/41tx

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(850): View more from Florida

We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.

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(850): We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival. http://tfl.nu/h8q9

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(757): View more from Virginia

It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"

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(757): It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah" http://tfl.nu/ebyl

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(805): View more from California

found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.

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(805): found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up. http://tfl.nu/2xcc

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(518): View more from New York

I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.

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(518): I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures. http://tfl.nu/io2e

Replies (3) Good night (1527) Bad night (353)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.

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(304): Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/4u1i

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(+61): View more from Australia

I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while

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(+61): I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while http://tfl.nu/v6v9

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