U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.