You're completely useless in the revolution.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today