my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Randomize
