I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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