so explain again why im purple
no
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize