Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
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The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize