i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize