y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
