Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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