she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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