The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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