i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
